Credible Consoling Companion
By Richard David Briggs
Devoted to: The Holy Spirit Within
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
Amid snow-driven, glacial wind, my shaky, brown-spotted hand latches onto a black steel handle, testing my strength as I open the thick, oak church door leading to the main entrance of this stone granite sanctuary, guarding against any destructive intruders.
Our sinful, stressful society forces my Soul and Spirit to retreat and crave safety from God’s wise counsel.
No parishioners? … Very well, I’ll stay and pray a while. A sole flickering yellow candle near the altar illuminates my path to the Lord’s designated bench in the third pew.
Religious reverence obliges these arthritic knees to kneel painfully upon a red, narrow, thin-leathered hardwood bench.
Weary, wrinkled, neck strains upwards, gazing upon a brown wooden cross. My fervent heart whispers, ‘The Lord’s Prayer’.
In serene silence, a familiar, calming Kindred Presence quietly fills my Being. Seconds pass. Hear a peaceful utterance within me:
“David! … So, here we meet once more!”
Rationalize, “Uh? … Way too much aggravation lately!” … But this was not it! … Is this sheer lunacy? … Can’t ask anyone! … Confront it, I shall!
“Whoever you are, make yourself known … give me good advice!
Hmm, no reply! … Disappointed, yet relieved, my eyes open, hoping to discover some sign! … None! … Then:
“David, Modern Society has taught you to be independent and boldly assert your Self-Will with brazen determination to achieve your goals!
How wrong you were! … You planned well but never succeeded in any ambitions on your own!”
Spooked as you might imagine, my insulted intellect fights back to regain control and make sense of it all!
Examine my conscience, only to discover, I am spurred on by this Strange Spirit’s higher power. He keeps leading me to specific ‘Biblical Scripture’, citing how the Holy Spirit led Jesus into the desert, and defended Him against all the Devil’s temptations.
And, how the Written Word would eventually guide Jesus throughout His entire Ministry, and strengthened Him in the Garden of Gethsemane, and at Pentecost, where He enabled the Apostles to discern and receive the ‘Holy Spirit sent by God’!
Frightened, I murmur:
“What is this strange Internal Essence, which I kept shrugging off as sheer nonsense during my life, who has been directing me, and I did not know Him?”
I always depended on hard-earned experience and trusted logic! … Forgetting where I am, I burst out defiantly:
“No! …This is utterly ridiculous! … Here I am conversing with some imaginary Entity… Neither am I a holy saint! … Besides, I am the master of my thinking and my fate! … Maybe this is the onset of dementia or schizophrenia? … Hah, then how would I know?
However, how can I account for this Voice? … Rather, it is like His Thoughts become my thoughts, imploring me to heed His!
No, not from coercion … but from sincere Loving Inspiration! … Troubling! … Lures me to question proven principles, … entrusted factual precepts, … and even my personal cherished beliefs!
Mumble sheepishly, “Who are you? ... You can’t be the ‘Holy Spirit’!?
No reply! … Hear only the storm’s wailing wind outside.
What am I saying? … Heated frustration makes me mutter to myself:
“Do I not pray out loud to God? … To Jesus? ... If not, then with whom am I speaking? … Am I pretending? … Imagining? … Many Christians I know so easily accept the Spirit of God in their heart! … But what about people like me?
Don’t people voice their prayers at weddings, funerals, baptisms, and confirmations? … Are the clergy not filled with the Holy Spirit, … hear and speak with Him, and share their sermons and prayers with the Faithful?”
Am I not a practising Christian? … I believe in Jesus and God, so how can I be certain if this Spirit entreating me is holy?”
With heightened curiosity, I grab my Holy Bible and find John 3:5. Jesus is telling the Pharisee, Nicodemus, he must be reborn in the Holy Spirit to know God’s Kingdom. As a member of the Jewish ruling council, His curiosity pushes him to question further:
‘4 How can a man be born when he is old?’ Nicodemus asked. ‘Can he enter his mother’s womb a second time to be born?’
‘5 Jesus answered, Truly, truly I tell you no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit.
6 Flesh is born of the flesh, but the Spirit is born of the Spirit.’
Me too, I needed to know, and sarcastically retorted: “All right then, Spirit, … so where is the ‘Kingdom of God’?”
As if my consciousness is no longer mine, this motivating Holiness unveils a fundamental truism and requirement that no Christian can deny, replying:
“Now when He (Jesus) was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, ‘The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.’ (Luke 17:20-21).”
Since I had forgotten this enlightening scripture, I was taken aback, yet He encouraged me to meditate on the significance of these powerful words.
When I was forty years old, during Easter Pentecost at my home church, I learned about the Holy Spirit as the Third Person of the Trinity. All Three Persons of the Godhead were always in agreement, but operated differently.
At that time in my life, this was only more knowledge to be processed. Now, in my senior years, my Soul thirsted for a much deeper meaning!
Each new trepidation and necessary change had led me closer to Jesus. Yet, my Soul and Spirit knew that to enjoy lasting Hope, the Holy Spirit must be accepted as my personal guide, and not depend solely on Logical Thinking to solve my problems.
Frigid cold wisps through the side window seams chill me to the bone, prompting me to debate why I came here. True, I was early for Church Service. Surely some parishioners should have shown up by now!
Engrained stubbornness keeps me seated until I come to terms with this problematic Holy Presence. Half-Belief renders me grateful that He has always been there supporting me. Whereas nagging guilt disgraced me for having stupidly shrugged Him off as childish emotion or unprovable theory.
I recall the text about Samuel, who refused to believe that God spoke to him three times, until finally he accepted it was true:
“Samuel! Samuel!” And Samuel answered, ‘Speak, for Your servant hears’” (1 Samuel 3:2-10)
“Mr. McLean! … Sorry to startle you, Sir! … It’s past ten o’clock, and you are the only parishioner who came, so I am cancelling this morning’s service.”
“Fine, Reverend Dowling, may I stay a little longer to meditate?”
“Very well, if this is what your heart desires, but I have given orders to Janitor Bennett to lock up at eleven. I have other pressing commitments.”
Glad to be alone again, I ardently looked forward to challenging this proclaimed Holy Spirit on several issues.
“David, I know you acknowledge Me! … So, you want facts, reasons, and irrefutable confirmation! … Not simply Faith that Jesus always recognized? … Sad! … Okay, I will tolerate your obstinate whim for a wee bit longer!
Do you remember lying in bed at three years of age and being so afraid of the dark that you could not fall asleep?”
“How could You possibly know this? My mother did not answer my pleas when I felt abandoned! … Granted, I heard a comforting Voice! … Was it You or Jesus?”
“David, in John 10:27-28, Jesus said, ‘When you see Me, you see The Father, who sent Me’.”
I foolishly lunge in, “Quit all this Biblical talk! What do You want?”
"David, God sent ‘Me’, His Spirit, to live within you, and every Christian-Believer at Baptism! … Nevertheless, you, of little faith, compel me to deal with your secular, rigid cynicism.
Recollect how Fear forced you to hide under the heavy bedcovers. For two more dark, lonely nights, you heard Jesus’s inner voice saying, ‘I am your Friend, go to sleep and all will be well!’”
“True, … I did. … for that incident! … Ah, an infantile invention!”
“David, not so! A few months later, you also knew Jesus during the following Christmas Service at St. Paul’s Church without even having received any previous knowledge about Him!
You were enthralled by the decorative scene of Baby Jesus, dressed in swaddling clothes, lying in the manger, being cared for by Joseph and Mother Mary. Christ caressed your young spirit!”
“Holy Teacher, if indeed You are, who You say You are, this is not proof of You being an Inner Knowing sent by God! … Anyhow, all this opposes Empirical Reason! … Perhaps a boyish fantasy? Besides, it was my mother who brought me to church! … Not You!”
Oh? … He’s gone again! … Confused, I stand up haughtily with the full intent to leave! … Church air chills, … old oak wooden floor creaks, … cracks, … harsh reality invades the depth of my Soul!
Persistent pride flushes and burns my cheeks while cringing embarrassment twists my head about, gawk everywhere to see if anyone heard me speaking out loud.
Reaffirmed in no one’s presence, my spineless shame sneaks away like a thief in the night. And, the longer I sit here, the more I realize how undeserving I am to be in God’s Church, being immersed in my miserable, sinful state!
There! … Anew! … I sense His Spiritual Loving Connectedness to Me! … Entices me to discover the real me, which I don’t want Him to do!”
“David, … I did not withdraw from you! … You withdrew from Me! … God, Jesus, Your Savior, nor I, will ever leave or forsake you! … Stop arguing, open your Bible to Hebrews 13:5 and you will understand:
‘Do not conform to the world! … Acknowledge Me before you die!’
You are not having a vision! … You belong to Jesus, and your spirit will return to Him at death! … Don’t be blind, stubborn, and ungrateful! He bought you at an excruciating, unpayable price at His Crucifixion!”
I find my mind is more perplexed. Anxiety tears me between my intellect’s Faith in Reasoning versus Faith in the Holy Spirit’s Existence! … And, I must acknowledge being born again in Him, or my Spirit will not go to Heaven!
Bend over in the pew, doomed if I leave, blessed if I stay! … Pebble-like hail pummels the saintly stained windows! ... Body shivers. I face a spiritual storm!
I ponder about Spirit’s Holiness and Goodness! He does not seem to be from Satan; however, even the Evil One can cite Scripture!
Happily, I recall: ‘Abide in Me, and I will dwell in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. And, … ‘that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me. (John 17:21)
Logical Argument dictates that I must identify Him as the Holy Spirit to direct and govern my choices if I am going to complete the Father’s Plan.
Office phone rings, … jars my nerves, … destroys my deep concentration, … anger tightens arteries, … reverend squeaks out annoyingly:
“Hello? ... Yes, Father Dowling speaking, … what, a heart attack! … Which hospital? … When may I visit him? … Noon! …Fine, I’ll be there!”
All becomes strangely calm. I feel urged to petition Jesus so this poor man may live a quality life and lessen the grief impacting his family!
During this solace, I cling to the nagging temptation that the Power of Deductive Reasoning should prevail in discerning the full acceptance of the Holy Spirit. Sheer Faith seems so flimsy! … Or, is it because I want to be in control?
Science presents solid facts. Yet, I must also admit that these same precise laws of Mathematics, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Astrophysics, Astronomy, and so forth, all substantiate that Creation is clearly based on an Intelligent Design, thus demonstrating a Creator, whom we call God, and not by mere Chance as only atheistic scientists proclaim.
So then, this Holy Spirit of Inner Knowing is Spiritual Evidence that is superlative due to its nature of God’s Omnipresence, Omniscience and Omnipotence!”
What? … There! … That unmistakable, resolute whisper:
“Well! ‘David, the Doubter’! … I see that your challenging curiosity compels Me to act as your Educator once again; therefore, … educate you I shall!
When you were a boy fishing, catching brook trout, lake perch and bass, compassion filled Me as I watched you clean them and gobble up their raw flesh!
Your ravenous hunger and purposeful hunting were part of God’s Strategy, instructing that life will demand you to develop much self-reliance and acquire specific skills through honest effort.”
Silly me, I snap back, interpreting this to be an invasion of my privacy:
“How do I know that I am not simply using my Memory and Conscience, meaning: You are not the ‘Holy Spirit?
"I do not want to sound disrespectful, but fishing techniques could have been due to my natural, primal instincts showing me how to survive!”
“David, … Your Conscience? … Really? … Or, My Presence therein? … Think! …The Father created you … and your Primal Instincts.
If your Conscience is based solely upon this world’s increasingly changing secular knowledge and evolving atheistic theories, often tainted with much misinformation, disinformation, and manipulation for financial, political, or personal gain, then your mind is polluted with inaccurate conclusions, falsifying your Concept and Belief about God!
God Almighty sent Me so all would be reborn in His Spirit, declaring His Divine Moral Laws superior to those of the World’s legislation. For Jesus shared His Wisdom in declaring: ‘What is it to gain the whole world and lose one’s soul for eternity?’”
I pause! … Contemplate, shaken once more from my staunch confidence in Reason as dominant. At a sheer loss for words, I can not counterargue:
“Holy Spirit, pardon me, I … I momentarily concede!”
“David, very well then! … Who else, except you and Me, knew that as a starving child, you often hid in farmers’ fields where you stole and ate uncooked carrots, potatoes, peas, apples, pears, berries, and whatever your tiny hands could grab! … Right or wrong, all their hard-earned produce was intended for Market to make a profit and to avoid bankruptcy, wasn’t it?”
“If You are so Holy and Merciful, as You claim to be, why do You still condemn me for that? ... I was famished! I didn’t always have three meals a day! … I took so little! … What choice did a ten-year-old kid have?”
“O’ Child of God! … Our Heavenly Father gives everyone a free choice! He commanded that no person steal! So-called victims, even like you, believe you are exempt from ‘moral responsibility’, but there are no favorites!”
“Hmm … agreed! … I could have asked the farmers or worked for them, … or someone else and paid them back! By now, they are all passed over to Heaven. Money will do them no good! … What must I do?”
“As a Christian, ask them for forgiveness in prayer, and God will bless you and them! Ah! … Do you think your Pure Sciences can cure your guilt?”
“Saintly Mentor, … well! … no! … I apologize! … Still, I need other proof to convince me that You are truly the ‘Holy Spirit’ living within me!
“David, finally, a breakthrough! To be a disciple, you must realize God’s Omnipresence is real! For what is released on Earth is released in Heaven!’
At six years old, Heaven saw you steal that ripe yellow lemon from Mr. Grennan’s Store. Was it bitter? … Sour as sin? … Disappointed, weren’t you? … Tasted your first conscious moment of Vice’s ‘natural innate punishment’! No one escapes the consequences of disobedience to God!”
“Spirit! … Correct again! … So then, … You are asking me to believe that this explanation is adequate to persuade me?
“David, God saw Adam and Eve and their children! Since the beginning of time, mankind has been lured into stealing. Yes, due to your lack of food at home, the Devil’s Temptation won over you! He is the Master of Illicit Pleasure!
Do you remember delighting in gulping down freshly baked bread from Grandmother Bennett’s pastry pantry as much as your little stomach could hold?
At that time, under ‘Parental Law’, she chastised you by cuffing the back of your head quite hard several times! … That Practice is unacceptable today!
However, what you did not know was that your grandparents were poor, living on a basic wage! They had no guaranteed government pensions and barely enough food to eat daily! Even though living in a city, their big backyard was a small farm.”
Hold on Spirit! … Even if I had asked Grandmother, she would have refused me! And yes, the stolen bread did make my stomach queasy!”
“David, Misdeeds make people sick spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Your childhood ignorance brought dishonor to your mother, who truly loved and trusted you! Your angry grandmother chided her severely, telling her not to come back until she corrected your thieving gluttony!
Afterwards, she provided you with extra oatmeal for breakfast and fried potato sandwiches for your school lunch! Food cost a lot of money after World War 2, and salaries were only about five dollars a day!
Wilful disobedience hurts God! A rebellious spirit can become numb to His Laws, as had happened for a while to King Saul!
Hebrews 10-26 states: ‘For if we deliberately go on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no further sacrifice for sins remains.’”
“Holy Spirit, I never thought about this before. Honestly, I don’t even remember reading about it in the Bible!”
“David, because Biblical Truth hurts, many of God’s Worshipers often willingly choose to ignore verses that they believe do not apply to them!
No one is permitted to abuse Jesus’s Grace and His Sacrifice on the cross! His abundant and infinite Love paid all Christians’ Sin-Debt: Past, Present, and Future, allowing them to go to Heaven, and saving them from Eternal Hellish Separation after their Passover from Earth!
Always remember, the Faithful’s Names are written down in His Lamb’s ‘Book of Life’!”
“Hah! … Spirit, even though I love God with all my heart, I am not worthy to be called His Child! ... Fleshly natural drives overpower me all the time! I do my best to apply His Commandments … but often I fail!”
“David, … David, … Jesus stated categorically to His Apostles that ‘no person is good, no … not one’, for only the Heavenly Father is perfect!
Even Saint Paul, who had written more of the ‘New Testament’ than the other Apostles, admitted the same, stating, ‘I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate I do.’ (Romans 7:15)
My Son, regarding communing with God, there are three words you should never use in your thinking or prayers. They are ‘maybe’, ‘if’, and ‘unworthy’. These denote a lack of your faith in Jesus, which could allow Satan to undermine your confidence and gain a foothold in your Soul!
Jesus loves you no matter what! …Come to him as you are, … not after you think you have cleaned yourself up because you can’t. But He can!
“Holy Counsellor, … I can’t cope with this lousy evil world! … I am too old!”
“That is a feeble excuse, and you know it!! … God is in control of the world and also of you! ... Are you saying that He is not the Supreme Ruler? … Wise up! … Stand up and conform to The Father’s dictates! … Thank and praise Him in all circumstances as Saint Paul instructs us, then all will be well!
So why, My Weary Christian, did you risk your life coming here to church in this blustery blizzard? ... Heavens forbid! … Don’t be like the former Pharisees coming here to God’s house to show off how pious you are!
You could have conversed with ‘Me’, Jesus, or God, in the safety of your home. He understands and knows your heart!”
“Spirit, if You are truly my Holy Friend, then why do You’ play mind games? You know my hidden reasons gnawing away at my inner peace and eroding my self-worth!”
“You of Wavering Faith, do not grow impatient with Me! Your mistake in judgment, could it not also be God’s Divine Process to get you to increase your trust, reliance and closeness with Him?”
“Spirit of God! … Stop! … I needed to seek Christ’s refuge as I always did in the past when in such dreadful despair.
“Remember when I was sixteen and ran away from home after my father beat me so badly? … I secured the church doors with my winter scarf, passed the night on the back pew, wept to Christ, begging Him for help.
You also know that within three months, my older sister ran off with her boyfriend, … my father takes off to Nowhere Land. … Within a year, my mother gets divorced, marries another man, takes my youngest sister with them, and moves over a thousand miles away! … Abandoned, I was!
“True David! … Let’s review this deeper. So, not waiting for Jesus, you thought you could control your dire predicament by desperately searching for help from Church Pastor Thomas? … Right?
How surprised you were when he and his wife refused due to fear of a scandal and personal embarrassment! The reverend, fearing to lose his position if he gave poor advice, was also terrified of confronting your irate dad and getting involved with lawyers and the police!
David, Almighty God can even use troubling situations to bring about good! For instance, the pastor got rid of you by cunningly giving you a Holy Bible and telling you to study it and that all would be well.
Ironically, you still read and learn the Word from that same Bible which has been transforming you into becoming a better Christian!”
“Well-intended Holy Advisor, are You sure? … Then why am I suffering so much pain?
Ah, gone again! … I grieved Him even though my insulting remark was not premeditated or intended!
Outside, a few ignorant, nervous drivers honk car horns; the office phone rings incessantly, while the irritating fluttering furnace fan flushes too much heat through dusty ducts, tickling my nose and throat.
Feeling forsaken, my Sorrowful Soul seeks consolation, which only comes from the Sanctified Peace of Jesus:
‘Lord, have mercy on a sinner like me! … Christ, have mercy for I am so selfish, open my eyes to Your Divinity, … Lord, have mercy on me, help me to accept this Voice to be the Holy Spirit!’
Tranquillity is short-lived as Janitor Bennett carelessly passes the large sweeper mop up and down the aisles with the metal handle, knocking the hardwood pews, then banging it up against the main entrance oak doors, followed by the rattling of steel coat hangers in the closet corners, and rudely demands me:
“Sir, could you move to the middle aisle so I can finish cleaning this side?”
Minutes later, aggravation worsens as his powerful, noisy industrial vacuum cleaner groans endlessly, sucking up grime from the dark red center carpet!
Numb knees struggle to lift my bloated body to another hard bench. Sit silently, re-examine the real intention as to why I felt obliged to come here!
Despair suddenly seizes hold of me! … Teeth taut, I can no longer deny the Holy Spirit's Presence within me, and His Mission to guide me into The Path of Righteousness for the Lord’s Sake! … O’ how my Heart feels remorse:
“Jesus, pardon me for having offended You when I should have thanked the Holy Spirit for supporting me throughout my entire life! And, especially for the countless times He revealed You to me! … Please forgive me!”
Fervent, loving Spirit replies:
“David, all people have mountains and valleys to endure! In the world, Satan will attempt to inflict Evil until Jesus’s Second Coming and will imprison him in the Abyss for a period of time.”
“Holy Confidant, please make me well! … I can’t take much more!”
“David, then hear Me! … Jesus died for humanity so all shall have an opportunity to enjoy this earthly life more abundantly, and at their Passover to Eternal Life, be with Him. Has Psalm 23 also faded away due to your uncommitted Faith?”
“No! … But You cannot possibly know how human beings hurt! … As for King David, once a shepherd boy himself, he speaks of how the Lord meets our needs and restores our soul, giving us daily peace and the still water of life, if we choose to walk in His Ways! … I shamefully repeat, I don’t always!”
“I agree, you do not! … Neither did he! … So, why did you not cite: ‘Aye though I walk through the valley and shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for ‘Thou art with me’?”
“I know the Lord is with me! That’s the problem! … I can’t live up to His Expectations of how I should be! To compound matters, I am dealing with a lot of painful personal issues!
I am not prepared to face death just yet! … My family and wife still need me! … I have to make myself clean before I meet Him!”
“Repentant! He wills your life and purpose on Earth! … Not you! He has Power over your very breath! He allows trepidations to increase your faith and will strengthen you at your Appointed Time! … He will take care of your loved ones! … And, only Jesus can make you clean! You lack the authority!
Just as God gave spiritual strength to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, He will do as much for you. If you believe in Him with all your Being, you will gladly let go of your life, give your earthly place to some newborn, and commend your spirit to the Lord!”
“Teacher, no human soul has the faith Jesus had! Why do you always cite Scripture to me? … Speak to me in modern terms!”
“David, I do so because Jesus said, ‘I am the Truth and the Way.’ (John 14:6) The modern world emphasizes Man’s Laws, which are not always based on Scripture, and look at the mess people are in!
Some lawyers, lawmakers, politicians, businesspeople, and even friends can manipulate the legal system to profit themselves, as some dishonest Pharisees once did.
Recall Hebrews 13:5: ‘Do not covet what others possess, but be content with what you have! My Spirit is in you, and your spirit is in Me, I will never leave you nor forsake you, or give you more than you can bear!”
“Holy Helper, I cannot completely detach myself from my earthly desires and ambitions. Jesus’s perfect love exposes my sinful wretchedness!
Again, at this thoughtless remark, Spirit’s Presence slips away! Soiled existence envelops me once more.
Secretary, Rona Springer, loudly jabbering nonsense as Reverend Dowling opens the office door, leads her up the center aisle toward the Main Exit. She slips away into the swirling snowfall of our callous Cosmopolitan Civilization. Icy air swiftly sweeps in, assaulting the church’s warmth.
On the reverend’s return to the rectory, his face manifests obvious vexation at my lingering, wishing me to leave. Ah, Willful Pride keeps me glued to the pew until his dissatisfied departure.
Sheepishly, I sputter into sweaty cuffed hands:
“How dare he lord over me like that! ... I don’t want to be disturbed! … He doesn’t own this church! … I am a financial donor! … I have a right to be here! … Maybe I should report him to Bishop Baily! … Such gall!”
Placing all my hope in the Holy Spirit’s Presence. I wait, … wait, … nothing! … Go to rise, I am taken aback by His corrective Voice:
“David, what happened to your intelligent mind? … Has your aging made you bitter, affecting your intellectual capability to perceive Goodness?
Despite being frequently strapped in elementary school, a once-acceptable form of corporal punishment, you never condemned teachers who used the hard leather strap that burned and bruised your hands!
Small and bullied, yet you won all physical fights! David, I helped you then to cope as I am doing with you presently… if only your Volition permits!
As for your Dad, he had served in WW2 and was suffering from severe emotional trauma, thought that it was necessary to beat you to soldier you up due to his perception of how the world had become so cruel!
His military service taught him to be disciplined and hard-hearted. He saw some of his comrades being bombed, shot, suffering, and dying!
Fortunately, your beloved Mother enrolled you in Sunday School, where you learned to love Jesus, God, and about Me, whom the Heavenly Father sent!"
“Ah, Merciful Mentor, you inform and instruct me with much articulate argument! … Nonetheless, Dad abused her much more than me!
Why did God let this unwarranted distress happen? I cannot understand! … I was a good father to my children, a loving husband to my wife, and always treated them with love, respect and protected them from anyone who dared to hurt them!”
“David, ‘God’s Ways are higher than Man’s ways’. He understood and was already putting in motion a better life for all of you despite Satan’s deceitful apparent success!
In Genesis 3:2-5, Lucifer easily deceived Adam and Eve into disobeying God by questioning the Almighty’s right to rule, thus putting doubt in their minds, calling the Father a liar, and withholding ‘Good’ from his subjects.
He duped them into thinking that God was an unjust ruler and implied that Mankind would be better off without His rulership; subsequently, Man’s Free Will fell victim to the Evil One.
Look about you, the Devil still persuades people to blame God for wars, division, chaos, including marital and parental abusive authority. But God is Pure, Good, and Loving!”
“Holy Spirit, perhaps all could have been different had Dad been baptized as a child of God! His unyielding unbelief prevented him from attending church.”
“David, God saw everything and supported your mother during her years of misery! She was well-rewarded in her second marriage to a wealthy, kind Doctor of Chemistry! Indeed, be reassured, she enjoys happiness in Heaven!”
“Glad to hear this! … Well, … if God is omnipotent, why didn’t He rescue my dad?”
“After your parents’ divorce, your father’s atheistic soul came to know much daily torment stemming from the loss of you and your family, who loved him loyally, and from the unyielding pain of having pushed away all his close friends he had also mistreated. He couldn’t keep any job, smoked heavily, turned to strong liquor and sought comfort in isolation!
David, your father’s sins brought him to grow old quickly, alone, and suffering from deep depression, with his Soul filled with bitter regret!
Think back! You were sixteen, seated in a cinema to watch ‘Swiss Family Robinson’. Both of you suddenly came face-to-face with each other! … His broken heart drove him to cry bitterly and run out!
For all the many years married, he never came to bother your family!
Recall, at sixty-eight, an earlier foot injury caused gangrene in his right leg, which required amputation, resulting in heart failure, killing him on the operating table!
Nonetheless, at the hospital several months before his death, he met a chaplain, who motivated your father to accept Jesus, enabling your dad to come to terms with his sordid past. Christ grants Pardon to Believers, welcoming them to Heaven, even if it is only minutes before their demise!”
“Thank you, since Christ forgave him, … so must I!”
“Happy to see you much relieved! So, why do you still quince from guilt?”
“Forgive me, but I feel that You are still convicting me of some past wrongdoings!
As an inexperienced sixteen-year-old adolescent without parents, how could I possibly know how to prevail against our world’s incessant changing demands, hidden hazards, harsh circumstances, constant changing challenges, countless trepidations, and demonic spirits on top of that?”
“A valid point, my little Christian Journeyer! Nevertheless, I sparked your conscience many times, didn’t I? If you had been diligently reading the Holy Bible, you would have known that ignorance is no excuse! Your negligence caused you to sin and endure so much needless tribulation!
David, regarding your past afflictions of the flesh, I felt your disheartenment due to monotonous, low-paying jobs and financial problems. I knew about your anguish and low self-esteem, which led to your dropping out of several reputable universities. Fortunately, regardless of your emotional immaturity and sins derived from Self-Will, your Trust in God kept you striving forward!
Quite a task it was for Me to prompt your Soul daily to teach you about The Creator! The more you had read and meditated upon God’s Word, the more you gained wisdom and confidence, developing a lion-like courage wanting to perform good Christian actions instead of exacting spiteful vengeance.”
“I am indeed blessed for: ‘Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.’ (Psalm 119:105)
Even though my mother’s new husband jealously sent me away from his home, thank you for being there through it all, empowering my mind and stabilizing my turbulent emotions, making me readier for God’s Plan, of which I was still unaware!
However Holy One, You never made it clear at any time in my life what I was to do! … Where? … How? … Was only enough Light to take a few steps at a time!
What? … What? … Did I say something offensive to You again? … Come back! … I didn’t realize I was blaming You! … Listen, I need help now more than ever!”
Father Dowling pokes his intolerant face back into the doorway, mouths considerate words, subtly masked in a hypocritical polite tone:
“Mr. McLean, as you can see, no one has come to the 10:00 Morning Service! I informed Janitor Bennett to lock the doors in thirty minutes. Please come next Sunday. If you need counsel, make an appointment.”
I nod obediently, thinking with contempt, “What a sanctimonious Phony! … Sure, noncaring spiritual counsel! … Cold lip-service!”
Snowstorm howls louder! Shoulders shiver, dripping candle dims, teary cataract eyes blur, darkness deepens, Soul implores:
“Holy Spirit, please restore me! Holy Spirit, I repent and wish to atone!”
“David! What is wrong with you? … The reverend meant no harm! You judged him unfairly! … He’s a Man of God!
Oh, I see! … Still wallowing in self-pity? … Well then, your narcissism and persistent spiritual blindness must be addressed immediately!
Don’t you realize, I, the Holy Spirit sent by God, nourished and readied you to share Christian Love with your beautiful, affectionate, intelligent wife, encouraged you to marry her in God’s Church, where He, The Father, blessed you even more with an exquisite daughter and four fine sons! … David, the lovely, healthy family your heart always hungered for!
Did He not also give you courage, perseverance, and confidence to confront life’s daunting challenges so you could find good-paying jobs enabling you to buy food, clothes, a new home, furniture, a new car, and vacations for all of you to enjoy? … And even more, provided you with surplus money to further your university studies?
“Yes, I agree, … but Holy Spirit. … but …!”
“David, … but what? … I was with you throughout your whole working life when you were: a custodian at the Submarine Industrial, Soft Drinks Inc., Transport Bureau, and Sunlife Insurance; an automotive parts receiver-shipper, an electronics technician, a bank cashier, a paper laboratory assistant, and a steel-plant stores manager.
And I was there, igniting your fervent desire to become an English Teacher, prompting you to read Christian Literature and consult the Holy Bible daily, providing you with a continuous spiritual transformation.
How you severely lacked confidence and were stifled by overwhelming apprehension! Depending solely upon your self-reliance, you failed two attempts at university despite your God-given above-average intelligence. Finally, … you clung to Jesus and then superbly succeeded!
Faithful! … Look! … Look at the fantastic reward God gave you by graduating with a BA. HONORS in English, also with Specializations in English as a Second and Foreign Language, and a Bachelor of Education, permitting you to teach! … He knew you would inspire them to strive for Christian values and goals.”
And David! You should also thank your wonderful wife, because she contacted a former acquaintance, who was the director of your local community college, informing him of your academic qualifications and work experience.
The director saw God’s Goodness in you at the interview and hired you on the spot to teach English and Commercial Mathematics evening classes that lasted seventeen years, allowing you to pay off your huge university debt!”
The Father had empowered you with the Gift to Teach – a born teacher! Equipped with more confidence in Him, you applied and taught Grade Four at the Elementary School Level!
However, even though you loved working with children, your Appointed Place was to teach at your local high school for the next thirty years, ending your lifetime career as Head of the English Department!”
So, aren’t you being forgetful, and a mite inconsiderate?”
“Holy Confidant, I deserved nothing! … May Jesus and The Father forgive me for my human weaknesses; … rather, I should be punished! … Then, how can I repay such kindness? … I am disgusted with myself.
“David, no one has the right to self-disdain! Such abuse could eventually bring about spiritual unholiness, bodily sicknesses, and mental disorders that could even lead to suicide!
Anyone who loathes himself, or any part of God’s creation, commits a grave offence that severely hurts the Heavenly Creator’s Heart! ... Who is capable of criticizing THE LORD? … ‘You were wonderfully made’!”
“Heavenly Spirit, I apologize immediately! … Meant no discourtesy! … My ignorance and arrogance embarrass me for not having expressed my appreciation to God or discerned how You brought about such significant changes in my life!”
Unwelcome, exterior clatter rushes in once more, disrupts my meditation, cuts off intimacy with the Holy Spirit:
Janitor Bennett generated endless irritation as his bristle-brush scrubbed five toilet bowls, flushing each having loose, squeaky handles, forcing polluted water to gurgle through old, rusty drainpipes, and then negligently slamming down their wooden seats.
His grand finale came, heaving his swishing wet mop carelessly about, knocking it up against a metal springy doorstopper, starting a series of popping resonations, after which his hurried hands hit the solid brass doorknob.
With uncontrolled vengeance, he rips out several beige paper towels from the white metal dispenser. Feeling warranted to vent pent-up anger, his vile mouth lets out loud, nasty, ungodly curses.
Metal cigarette lighter clicks, clicks, clicks, manages to light up a marijuana joint, foolishly pumping fourteen carcinogenic chemicals into his lungs, believing this addictive drug will gain him peace and self-control. Stenchy, skunk-like fumes spread about, blending in with the old furnace’s dusty, allergenic forced air, contaminating the safety and sanctity of the church.
Father Dowling suffers an audible, lengthy cough-attack, recovers, but not wanting to lose cheap labor, yammers an ineffective trite warning: “May God forgive you, my son!” Insulted, the custodians’ footsteps scurry off!
The janitor’s repugnant sneers dart toward me. I surmise he may have previously overheard me praying aloud with the Holy Spirit, and his personal obstinate disbelief in God irked him!
Ah! … What does it matter anyhow? I kneel in earnest hope and pray for the redemption of my impure Soul:
“Holy Spirit, fill me! … Teach me! … Protect me! … Heal me!”
“David? … Well! … Can you now justify why you came to church this morning fighting a freezing blizzard while your fellow parishioners had the common sense to remain safe and sound in their cozy homes? … Or, did you think that you were more self-righteous than they? … Well, you are not!
Perchance, … you secretly thought your pious presence here might convince Me to stop convicting you so you would be excused from a deserved penance regarding all the people you criticized and gossiped about during the week.
Did you not realize that your judgmental thoughts and verbal tongue-lashings are considered to be one of many commonplace deceptive ways of destroying another, … including your own? … Is this Christ’s Path?
Jesus especially rebuked those critical, unsanctimonious Pharisees, reminding them, ‘Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.’ (Matthew 15:11)
David, …in the future, … measure your words with Scripture, because, ‘Whatever you unleash on Earth, will also be exposed in Heaven!’ … Abide in Christ for: ‘Whatever you do unto the least of your brothers, you also do unto Me.’”
Mortified by this new revelation, my legs pell-mell for the side door. Open it! … Got to escape! … Snow gusts shower my sweaty face, chilling me to the bone!
Grunting, grumbling, almost swearing, shut the heavy church door back! … This Truth traps my Soul tightly between my Sin committed in the World versus the Holy Spirit’s Conviction within me! … Heaven saw all I did!
Since it is written in the ‘Lord’s Prayer’ … that if I rebuke others or myself, Jesus will judge me accordingly! … Begging to be pardoned scrambles me back to my church pew, awaiting my inevitable reprimand!
For a reason unknown to me, guilt, unworthiness, helplessness, envelop my entire Self, sinking me into a shadowy netherworld, triggering off repressed depressive thoughts of Dad’s funeral service, which slowly steal away any remnants of peace and joy I once enjoyed when in the Spirit’s Grace.
I see my father’s body so clearly lying in a red-ruby pine coffin, suited in royal navy blue and his cosmetically touched-up face.
Specially chosen scented flowers, stately military funeral organ music hummed, and dignified Veterans, decorated with shiny war medals and rank insignia, stood stiffly in line before several well-dressed attendees bearing an expected sorrowful appearance, shook my hand offering me customary polite sympathies.
Chaplain Roberts’ befitting, ritualistic Bible Readings, Sermon, Eulogy, Prayers, and appropriate soldierly-church-hymns completed the requirements of a sailor’s ceremony, followed by a typical prepared free lunch served downstairs, where the mourners talked and laughed noisily about ‘the good old times’ and felt content for fulfilling their social duty!
Once outside, as is often the case, women weep softly as my father’s casket passes by them and is loaded honorably onto the jet-black hearse that will carry him to the Military Gravesite. My wife, my two sisters, the pastor, and I follow, leaving the invitees to their personal choice.
I pondered who had organized and paid for all this expense, only to discover later that my father’s Will had left his life’s savings to the Pastor, who had not been unaware of my two sisters and me for some inexplicable reason.
As Dad was lowered into the freshly dug dirt plot, my middle-aged pride gave way to sobbing regretting how good our relationship could have been … should have been!
But no! … He chose brokenness! … He damned his family and himself! The human part of me hated him for this!
I was his only son! … Nevertheless, his wayward character opposed mine! … I tried my best to be a Christian, whereas Dad believed in fighting back at the world’s evil with brute force!
Yet, I loved him and admired him! … My heart tossed up and down, like a man struggling against drowning in a tempest at sea!
Cold invades me as I realize that God commands us to honor our parents!
Years later, I wrote and published a poem, entitled “The World Shall Rise as One”, in homage to his military service as a brave sailor in WW2 (1939-1945), and I became a Legion Member.
“So, … David … reliving past pain again? Are you still trying to justify your nettlesome blunders? …. So now, do you dare believe in Me or not? …
Isn’t it time to ask Jesus for help? … God the Father? … Is the Devil still playing havoc with your Soul? … Afraid of being mocked by others?
Well, allow Me to remind you that Jesus Christ has been, is now, and will be much more severely shunned, savagely hated, verbally crucified, and forsaken by the world than you will ever be! … Imagine His horrific anguish in the Tribulation!”
Oh, Holy One! … I can’t! … No human being can!
“David, if a Believer would only have the gumption to make a better attempt to correct bad behavior, what would you say then? … How much do you love Jesus? ... Enough to let go of bad actions causing you to hurt Him?
Non-Believers, … and yes, many Believers, wilfully choose to get hooked on some irreligious habit! … And, you know exactly what I mean!”
“Holy Spirit, … what didn’t you hear? … Yes, sometimes I give in to human temptation! … And besides, it will be Christmas in three days! … What has all this got to do with His Crucifixion?”
O’ Soul of irresolute Faith! … Everything! … Christmas is not about commercialism, buying gifts, or Christmas trees, and Santa Claus!
Christian Spirits celebrate Christ’s birth and worship Him because He is the Light of Truth who has come into the world to save humanity from humanity’s disobedience and transgression.
His Crucifixion and Resurrection have provided The Way for the Devoted to enter Eternal Paradise through Him!
David, if you want to be cured of self-disgust and past grief, get up from this pew, … abide in Jesus, and go serve our Father in Heaven with your life by keeping His Commandments; be compassionate to everyone and yourself.”
“I just told You I cannot be perfect!”
“What am I to do with you? … Because of Adam and Eve’s innocence, demonic deception, and misunderstanding, people have been born in Sin.
All will struggle between keeping and rebelling against God’s Will. The more you praise the Lord, the more you perceive the Heavenly Father’s Love for you in your heart!
Blessed, understand: atheists, agnostics, materialists, scoffers, narcissists, and non-practising Christians all have dark souls who do not care about the Holy Trinity! Their stony hearts crave only temporal earthly desires and pleasures!”
“Heavenly Spirit, I have been so selfish! … Confounded! … Focussed solely on my wants and needs to be met! … Ungratefully, I grabbed at Jesus’s Grace so as not to be punished! … My action was totally self-serving and despicable!”
“David, I hear your despair! … You still have a little time left to pursue a closer walk with Jesus Christ! … He knows your condition! Now glorify Him! … Put faith into loving action!
I will:
“Jesus, thank You for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself, loving me when I didn’t deserve to be loved, supporting and strengthening me through all my trials, tribulations, hard work and sacrifice, especially so I could provide for my family!
But don’t call me home right now! … I finally succeeded in life! … So unfair!”
“David, hear what you are saying? … Even though you enjoyed God’s Gifts, everything you achieved never belonged to you - only to Him, your King! … You, as all of His Stewards in His Kingdom, were granted by His Loving Favor!”
“Spirit, it bereaves me much to leave my wife, children, friends, home, garden, and all God’s Earthly Beauties! I find myself challenged to accept this scary transition to die and face Jesus!
‘David, do not be afraid! … ‘As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone, and the place thereof shall know it no more.’ (Psalm 103:15-16)
Do you not realize Our Lord had His Putpose for you, as with everyone? Has He not intervened in your life countless times? … Here are only a few:
At two and a half years old, you went blue from near crib death. God showed your mother how to heat your tiny body by putting you in a pot of water on the wood stove and heating it until life’s breath returned.
At three, a female dog, protecting her babies, attacked you severely. Again, God directed your mother to treat the wounds, and you recovered from the trauma.
She also saved your life at five years old by taking her forefinger and removing the slimy sea clam stuck in your throat!
By ten, you had not yet learned to swim when one of your bully classmates threw you into the deep water. Nature taught you the dog paddle. But … God sent your own father to save you!
You were twelve years old, playing hockey on Miller’s Pond. Coming home alone, went through the ice, sliding a few feet from the opening. A kind voice told you to suck the air between the ice and the water and use your fingernails to feel your way back to the opening!
At seventeen, you were working on summer holidays, trying to earn enough money to go to university, when you saved the life of a janitor from burning to death after he threw aerosol paint cans into the incinerator.
And at twenty, you helped your wife’s cousin from drowning, where he also pulled you down, but being stronger, God chose you to save him!
Another time, three years later, you also saved a man’s life from drowning in a camping park! Was it you? God’s Intervention? Science?
During a 4:00-12:00 P.M. shift at a paper mill laboratory, you rescued a man who had been attacked by a younger male who was trying to throw him to his death down a three-story staircase.
At twenty-five, at a steel factory, at your own risk, you saved a man’s life after a two-foot, red-hot steel rod pierced through his body by getting him to the hospital with him just in time.
Think back to the nerve-racking situation when God spared your oldest son from choking to death on a peppermint by you using the Heimlich maneuver!
Recall, while you were in a packed restaurant, a woman was choking on a French fry. No one did anything to help! Yet, God sent you to apply the same tactical maneuver!
By twenty-seven, you protected your four children playing street hockey from a quick-tempered next-door neighbor who grabbed them, took their sticks and swearing loudly, threatened them with physical harm!
In December, when you were thirty, returning from ice-fishing. Near the shore, you went completely under the ice. The ice drill you were carrying acted as a barrier. With God’s help, it took every ounce of your strength to pull yourself out, teaching you never to go fishing alone!
While you were teaching at your high school, you saved a seventeen-year-old student from jumping off a bridge because he became suicidal after having made three young teenage girls pregnant!
During your forties, on three separate occasions, while repairing roof shingles, you fell off and landed safely on your feet! … Scientific Principles? … Coincidence? … Or, God?
David, when you were fifty, you suffered from acute pericarditis. The doctor called the family to say goodbye! … God did not call you home!
Silly you! At fifty-two, you still wanted to believe you were still a young man! On October 26th, you took your birthday gift, a brand-new bright-red 16-foot canoe, to go fishing with your wife!
Unwisely, you attached an illegal 25-lb anchor aboard. Dressed in life jackets, winter coats, and big black rubber boots, thought to be safe! … Wrong!
Far from shore at a good fishing spot, believing it was so manly to stand up, you threw the anchor overboard. The rope wrapped around your right leg, pulled you in, the untied life jacket came off! ... Down, down, down, you sank, bubbles streaming out of your mouth!
Surrounded by eel grass rising several feet above your head, tried to get free by taking off the rubber boots! …. Could not! … Struggled relentlessly to swim up, every exhausting effort forced air out of your lungs.
In a last desperate effort, your head barely surfaced, releasing your breath. Having swallowed water, coughed violently, gasping for your life!
Our Lord gave your panicked wife enough strength to grab your floating hair and brought you safely to the right side of the canoe.
Having rested a bit, pulled yourself in, but by tipping the canoe over, you threw your wife out. She, like you, dressed in heavy clothes, became water-laden and began to sink quickly.
With your energy depleted, it became impossible to bring her back into the canoe. Tying her wrists to the aft, you managed to paddle her to a small rocky island where you both regained your strength. Then, lying her down in the canoe, you got her to shore and the hospital.
All went well except for a few scrapes and bruises. The following week, your red canoe was sold at a low price!
At fifty-six, in late March, you and your wife were coming home. Going sixty miles an hour, the car spun out of control on black ice, taking out five guard posts on one side and four on the other.
The patrol officer, who happened by, saw you both sitting on the front seat, which had been pushed on top of the back one.
He couldn't believe you two weren't hurt. Insurance gave you a new car at no charge. The town paid for the guard posts.
In your early sixties, you had saved a man several times from suicide until one day, while you were playing golf, he took his life!
“Holy Spirit, You have made me feel much better! …Then why do I still feel so unworthy?
“David, good actions performed, either by you or someone else, are not sufficient reason or payment to merit Heaven lest anyone should boast!”
“Then, Holy Spirit, by Jesus’s Grace, we will be in Heaven! … What can I expect there?
Ah! … When Jesus creates a new Earth, you will see friends and family members restored by Him in a glorified body, live in a mansion especially prepared by Him; moreover, you will walk and talk with Him!
You have your precious little garden and eat from it, also from the Tree of Life that will bear different kinds of fruit, and be happy in worshipful communion with God!
“Wonderful Spirit from God! … ‘You ‘console me much by your kind, inspiring words! … These pearls of insight lift my morale, renew my peace and joy, give me true hope to live until Heaven’s assigned angel accompanies me ‘Home’! (9 Luke 16:22).
Bliss fades! … A Voice! … A familiar, interrupting melder invades my solemnity!’
“Sir … Sir? I am locking the doors. Are you alright? I overheard you talking quite loudly to someone! … You both must leave at once.”
My New-Born Spirit humbly replies: “Life couldn’t be better, young man! … You’re doing a fine job looking after and cleaning God’s place of worship!”
I spy Reverend Dowling quickly approaching, waving and grinning with relief as I leave his church, for whom he is solely responsible.
While going up the aisle, I reflect on how this saintly man’s duties demand much stressful due diligence regarding baptisms, confessions, counselling, marriages, funerals, visits to the sick, the dying at home, hospices, and hospitals, I realize I could never serve God as he did!
Opening the main door, I am no longer a prisoner of the Old Man, grieving for the loss of the Strong Young Person I used to be.
Rather, I accept that My Body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit who has Transformed me and fully realize that I am:
- extremely grateful for how The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit have helped me throughout my entire life;
- amazed how God can even use this blizzard as a ‘Divine Mechanism’, enabling me to surrender to His Will;
- encouraged willingly to accept the future death of my ‘Dust-Given Body’, which resiliently ministered as one of God’s Servants;
- confident that my Spirit will return to Jesus and my Soul awaits the Grace of His Merciful Judgement,
As I descend these three icy stone steps towards my snow-covered car, frosty wind whips my face. Yet I smile, reassured that the Holy Spirit within will help me to serve the Lord through the Power of prayer, listening to Him, obeying Him, doing Christian Charity in my little corner of the world, for Jesus said:
“My sheep hear My voice and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them Eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand”. (John 10:27-30)
